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Bev on c'hoazh

Hi everyone,

My last posts dates from October 24. Today we live on December the twelfth...Yes, I have been out of the running. As most of you know, I presume, I am living quite a hard time: I still long very much for Brittany, and Dutch every day life is difficult. I 'd never thought my Masters would be this amount of work; it is like a full-time job. Besides my studies I sit in the OC (Educational Comission) of the Modern Languages sector at university, which also asks his toll in the form of energy. And energy is exactly the thing that lacks me when I feel like I felt the past months. And lastly, when in the same week I received a very disappointing note AND had thieves in my house, I broke down a bit. I didn't feel safe in my house anymore, and I thought that from now on I would have no chance whatsoever to be admitted to a PhD programme, which has been my secret wish for some time now.
At the moment I am doing a bit better though; I have talked with friends who have really helped me; I have planned a trip to Rennes, in the last week of April, when there will be a congress on the origins of the Breton language; and I am playing in a new band, about which I am very enthousiastic! I love playing music together with others, and the musical choice of this project is exactly what I like. And I play together in it with Sanne, a hood friends, and Fieke, who also played in Cesair! It's a small world...
I am very much looking forward to my trip to Rennes: off course the congress will be fun, but I almost can't wait to see my friends again! Drinking tea with Anna, going to the Westport with the Kejadenn guys, chatting on Middle Welsh with Bibi, maybe, if it will be possible, visiting the family at Kastell Gwenn...I would love that. But the Morbihan is far from Rennes, and I am not sure there will be time. But already, visiting Rennes! Going to the Marché des Lices! To the book market on the Plasenn santez Anna! Chilling out in the park Thabor! Drowning in the sheer mass of Breton books in the library...Going to a fest-noz, or at least seeing a band playing in the Ty Anna or elsewhere...Drinking cider and chouchenn!
Yes, this prospect, and the feeling (only the feeling) it might all go well with this PhD after all, makes me feel better. And even if the PhD plan doesn't work out, that doesn't mean my life will be a failure, to say it dramatically. I can still become a teacher, or a musician maybe, or a fortuneteller, or a workless traveler....Mum! Dad! Just joking! No need for heart attacks ;-)

For the moment I try to live in the 'now': I try to finish my homework before each class (that isn't as easy said as done), I try do be a good 'university politician' in the OC, and when I have some spare time I play music, meditate, write in my diary, try to occupy myself with the things I think are important in life. Like friendship...yesterday I saw Martine in Hofman (A cafe here in Utrecht) for the first time since I left for Brittanny. It was like the year hadn't passed! That is, off course we had both things to tell each other, and things have changed, but, as Martine put it, when you really know each other's personality and are friends on basis of just that, rather than on shared activities and the like, time does't matter.
Today I posted a lot of christmas cards to friends. I you dont get one, don't be offended: this just means I don't have your address. I am very bad at keeping updaté with everyone's addresses, as I always forget to write them down when someone gives me his one. So if you want te be sure to have a christmas card, just mail me your home address!! I wrote cards in four languages: Dutch, English, French and Breton. At the moment I hope they are traveling to five countries: the Netherlands, Poland, Germany, Brittany and Ireland. It gives me a very rich feeling to have all these friends, these people that are important to me, and also the knowledge that they care about me makes me feel thankfull, and stronger.
I keep saying I dont do the 'christmas feeling' this year. And it is true I am not getting very excited on Christmas dinners, presents and trees, but I do feel better than before, my heart warms when I think of my dear ones, and I have new hope on a good future. If that isnt a Christmas feeling, the whole thing doest exist.


( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
Dec. 14th, 2009 04:35 am (UTC)
I don't really do christmas, but winter generally leaves me mad with joy ;)
It's something to do with the cold, I think.
*more hugs*
Step outside, listen to the silence, and then remember that summer is only hiding, like a playful thing.
Dec. 20th, 2009 03:20 pm (UTC)
yes you're right, summer is out there, and it will return when it wants to!
You must be very happy now, with al this snow ;-)
Against my own wishes I am all into xmas today, I even wrote down a xmas story on my blog....

We're going to have a white Midwinter!!! :-D

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )